I am NOT going to complain about the heat. Instead of complaining about 100+ degree temperatures and a total lack of air conditioning, I’ve made a list of ways to have fun in this pre-rainy season oven we call Blantyre:
- Joke about how not hot it is. Ex. “good thing we have a 4X4 car cause it looks like the snow might really come down this weekend!” Seriously, this joke never gets old. Everyone thinks it’s funny.
- Drink a chocolate bar straight from the wrapper – because it’s become a melted liquid mass of deliciousness. Liquid Snickers is my favorite
- Hang your head out of the window when driving, like a dog, because the air conditioning in your car is broken. It doesn’t look weird – promise – but be warned, according to official police documents you can technically be fined for having body parts outside of a moving vehicle.
- Line up at the bank (where they DO have air conditioning!). A typical line will give you one hour of air con. If you allow people to step ahead of you, you could potentially buy yourself two solid hours. The downsides are that you have to stand the whole time and there are only so many ways to entertain yourself while standing in line at a bank. I like to spend my time planning hypothetical robberies.
- Wait in a fuel queue! Trust me, the one thing more frustrating than the weather is waiting for petrol/diesel when there are 79 cars, 34 trucks, 11 buses, and 2.3 million jerry cans in front of you. It will definitely take your mind off the heat.
- Pretend that your towels are warm because you’re staying in a fancy hotel with a towel warmer, instead of the fact that it’s so hot, the towels are absorbing and retaining the heat. You can also have fun with hot sticky deodorant. Pretend it’s an amazing new spa treatment.
- Go fan shopping. It’s become a bit of a hobby for me – I now know the best hardware stores on Haile Selassie Blvd for fans, the best models, and that one should never, ever buy a fan from Game. I don’t care how desperate you are.
- Bluff your way into swimming at the local high school’s pool. Yeah, you’re totally a teacher, if anyone asks.
- Go to a movie at the air conditioned cinema – I’m not even going to tell you what I went to see last weekend, but I will admit that Selena Gomez was starring and I brought up the average age of movie viewers by about 12 years. Ok, 17 years.
- Drive into town and rent a room at a hotel with air conditioning and drink gin and tonics – that’s what they did in The Great Gatsby, right? Oh wait! There’s a tonic shortage. Guess we’ll just have to drink beer til it runs out too!
So don’t feel too sorry for us – the rains will come soon and in the meantime, we have plenty of liquid chocolate and the challenge of finding new mixers for gin.